Post by ***@gmail.comPost by ***@gmail.comDemon Lord Henry Schmidt of Confusion
On Tue, 24 Jun 2008 07:25:29 -0600, Art Deco attempted to confuse the
drop dead punk
drop dead punk
drop dead punk
drop dead punk
drop dead punk
drop dead punk
Deco is a Ko0k!
"ME" sweet Lady recently jus'
Served "ME" (da kook) ..."Papers"
... FUCKen-A !
.
Bowl (Stockton) KarKROKE"ME" jus'
"So Very Hard To Go"
.
.
.
" FUCKEN - A ! "
NOT_so_nice_guy_finishes_LAST ! :<(
..(Sniff..)
.
And then
Jus' sang ...
Niel Sadakas '70s
S l o w version of
'50s' version of...
"Breaking Up Is So
(Fuck'n) Hard To Do"
.
.
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Man "this" fRickn' hurts !
...I totally forgot (well did not ever want to feel again)
this feelings of hurt, saddness, anxiety, nausiated/sickness,
nervousness, madness, crying...etc. ALL at once !
I know whats next (the big nervous breakdown)...I'm quickly
tryin to remember what and all I learned in these long serveral
years on how to counter attack and get rid of this feelings...
sometimes when I think I got it lick...the mudder keeps coming
back...sometimes to the point of lord help me ! OH HOW IT HURTS!
Man ol man...I've finally got rid of those feelings for along
time (1-2 yrs) ... yes, some of it comes back when I reminisce
but, I usually get get my mindset and get out of it.
I don't have time to post my technics of counter attack but,
a few importants are family, fun, church, do good deeds (whatever
makes you feel good and proud of yourself)... read alot more,
learn alot more, meet more people (man ol man have I met alot
of folks all over)...keep yourself busy, find more hobbies,
WORK, MORE communication ("VERY IMPORTANT") ... well, I'm
between emotions so, ...bear w/ me.
I tell ya, if NOT of any (above) ... suicide thoughts will take
over... I can go on and on and give more "phylosophical thoughts"
but now, I must go for another "counter attack"... I've been into
karakroke-ing as another "fun" thing to do. You all know "ME" other
lame ass "fun" crap "me" does on the Internet...yes, I do know its
NOT RIGHT but, for myself...it really helps me...so, bear w/ me
...I do try to put a point across of you'al trying to figure out
what I'm trying to relay w/ you al and I have Mutiple-mutiple-hidden
meanings and messages w/ xpostin' ...and whatever etc. ....than jus'
a one simple answer or I.M'.H.O. (In ME honest opinion).
Back to the suicide thoughts... a few years back, I finally kicked
the (first paragraph description) of "the sickness"... and was feeling
great and learned/taught/myself how to control these psychotic-meds...
along w/ controling my diabetes w/ "a-nutritional-guide" as oppose to
another diet plan... I'll go into that more later.
Anyway, finally got my weight down ( which fixed the high-cholestral/
high
blood pressure too) ...blah blah blah....but when running into folks
(who had not been w/ me daily to see my gradual change) ... IT DIDnt
matter....its the stereo-type thing that, me's just a lunatic...
I then gave up... big time hit... along w/ missing my wife and
family...
it was at that time I determine that maybe things won't work out w/ me
lovely wife...IT was BIG TIME Depression (like it is now)... I jus
wanted to committ "it" ... life did not matter without my wife...
and... I did the bad thing...I jumped from the highest point off the
Interstate-5 overpass that passes over the Stockton channel (high to
let ships pass through...yes Stockton is CA inland port)...its about
6-7 stories...and hitting water, they say is like hitting concrete...
it was so fast and it hurt so bad...I guess I lucked out and landed
at a angle like a torpedo-dunk-splash...I don't want to described more
detail cause it'll depress the hell out of me more...but, I messed-up
my back, broke an ear-drum and lost my equal librium...big time.
I did not tell anyone why I jumped, especially my wife cause I did
not want her or ANYONE to feel bad and guilty and do something stupid.
I'm sorry I did that but, I do now know why folks do such things...and
I can go into alot of phylosophical-thoughts etc. on it but, not right
now.
Well, I really want to do the same but, w/ experience...I now it is
NOT worth it....GOD/guardians given me another chance on how precious/
short
life is.... I can go on an on but, I'm too depressed !
IN short, I just want to get my life back to the "normal" life you all
have and just take care of MY WIFE, my family/families and MYSELF...
this last "it happens !" is a deal-ly !
I have a short time to response to "the papers" and let me tell ya,
it's
changed drastically though time (from bitter to cussing to sad to
crying
to feeling sorry, to why? to....whatever...) and then I get mad at
myself and try to do the right-grownup-mature-WHATEVER-to-the-right-
thing
to-do ...and I tell ya...its tough ! But, I'm getting more realistic
and try to comprehend and rationalize whatever answer but really think
and rationalize more before I come up w/ a "good" answer...
this is getting long and drown out...thank you all for allowing my
"grief"
...whatever... for now, got a few more tunes to sing for me
wife...well
for the shortime I have to know her as my wife...I LOVE her very much
...oh, about over 20yrs ago we had a big time war...me found "old-
letters
...well" along with me caring for a co-worker w/ cancer...it was VERY
stressful times and me DID NOT want to end our marriage...we're both
to
blame and devoted the rest of years up untill the "pill-thang"
problem...
of taking good care of me wife...I always worked hard on that but, as
most problems that occur in marriage...COMMUNICATION is one of the
most
important main key... well, sorry, getting too long (the post) and
as always...me's not proof-reading cus, me library-hour is almost up.
I love you Honey, please (if she ever reads the net) ....think hard
and
hopefully re-consider things....this is our "grandparents time" to
enjoy
the rest of our short life together...I dont want no other...I don't
really know you and you don't really know me... (folks, its the
typical
thing of getting married, getting along w/ the newness of
marriage...work,
work, work...the kids kids kids...and taking care of daily problems
that go along w/ raising a family...then the children move on...ITS
now OUR time to get to know each other...I thought I have a new
girlfriend
and if I loose her...I'll pick-up-the-pieces...get better w/
everything
and try to win her back !
....sorry and forgive me....and sorry/forgive me "the internet" of me
goofyness
...but, hope you all "learned" something w/ me w(HOE)le ...shenaigans
(msp)
God be w/ you all.
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What do you mean?,
"I am GoD!!!..."
"VideO Madness" "Juno Reactor - God is God!!!..."
COlOnel Jake Enterprises®
Presents
(http://www.coloneljake.com/videos/011F/)
You know?,
"Ricky Richardo?!?!?!,...., with all teh syche-meds and
all, I know you'd do better with some other controlled
substances such as meth, lsd and pot!!! (either alone, or
in any combination),...., try it, you might feel better
about yourself,...., me, I only do it for teh
grand-illusions!!! (I dont think I would do them if I was
blind (who knows (maybe I would))),...., but anyways,
its not about how you feel or handle yourself, its what
you do to control teh machine you're riding in!!!
(except usually teh machine you're in, doesnt have to
many replacable parts, so you just got to be careful
where you're steering it),...., and as far as other
people?!?!?! (such as love ones),...., who gives a ratz
azz anyways?!?!?!,...., they're not going to die or live
for you, so just stop it right there and quit!!!,....,
quit giving a FUCK about them!!! (only give a shit about
your own GoDDAMNED self),...., and if you cant give a
shit about yourself?!?!?!,...., then I always thought
that doing 100-miles per hour, with a lit 5-gallon Molotov
Cocktail in teh back seat?!?!?!,...., I could just hit teh
side of an concrete-bridge head-on?!?!?!,...., and it would
be lights out, no more giving-a-shit-about-any-MoTHER-FUCKER
(including myself), whatsoever, ever, FUCKING, again!!!..."
Yeah'ah man?,
"There is no such thing as others, making you
feel the way, and what you feel!!!,...., whatever you're
feeling?!?!?!,...., is totally on you!!! (and from what
you wrote above? you dont know what you're FUCKING feeling,
you're just assuming its this or that),....,
Jesus H. 'FUCKING' Christ!!! (GoDDAMNIT),...., if we
didnt have FUCKING feelings?!?!?!,...., we'd all be a
bunch of FUCKING Zombies!!!,...., how would you know you
have to take a FUCKING shit, if you couldnt feel teh shit
wanting to come out?!?!?!,...., Ricky Richardo?!?!?!,...,
just FUCKIT whoever or whatever it is, you think you have
to be so dearly involved with, and live teh way you're
suppose to live, and maybe take some lsd, smoke some pot,
or do some meth or something!!! (GoDDAMNIT GoD GoDDAMNIT)..."
(Do SoME GoDDAMNED 'other' MoTHER FUCKING THING)
You know?,
"At one point in history?!?!?!,...., things were
different, but now?!?!?!,...., 'FUCK IT!!!.' .."
(FUCK IT, FUCK IT, FUCK IT, FUCK IT, FUCK IT)
And you?,
"Can take that?!?!?!,...., to teh bank!!!..."
"Live and let live, but kill those who betray you."
- Colonel Jake